July 4, 2014

Under Tutelage…

Posted in Empowering, Introspection tagged , , at 10:23 am by Venus Viswambharan

image“Letting go” – I’m sure you’ve heard as much as I have about the same . Read up  the same amount or more on its importance in our lives, on the fact that we are all learning just this ….” Letting go “, during our presence here on earth. Oh! It does appeal to me ,to the insides of me….The very sound of the words letting go evokes a feeling of lightness, a feeling of being free ….  dare I say , a feeling of greatness?

But what happens when we are in the eye of the storm….?

We were to travel from Chandigarh back to Indore via Delhi. We contemplated travelling by train the Chandigarh Delhi portion. Which was a more comfortable, hassle free and quicker option. But at the last moment my husband informed me of the decision to drive down. On questioning why ,he said his father would drive us down….
Oh No I didn’t like it one bit! I could feel the anger rising inside of me. I wanted to whine about how inconvenient it would be with the kids and all the luggage. I wanted to give my piece of mind and follow it up with a tirade of how unfair it was and unleash everything out on my husband. But somehow I settled in quietly into the car’s drivers seat.  On seating myself,  I didn’t bite my tongue…or hold it in, I just let it go , completely. I just let myself be in the moment as it was. Purposefully forcefully , pushing out every preconceived judgement or expectation out of my head.

I explored Letting go.

After a while I saw my elder daughter fast asleep in the back ,snuggled close to her Dadu with her head safely in his arms. My younger one had her head on his shoulders and he protectively had an arm around each of them. I smiled ,it struck me my father in law wanted to spend some close moments with them doing just this much! Letting go , clearing the garbage in my head, gave me the space to be able to notice this, “I” allowed me to be moved.

Later we stopped for lunch and we changed places ,my father in law moved to the front while my husband drove. He then switched on the MP3 player searched for a while and put on a particular Shabad. My husband was going through a particularly hard time at work , I had spoken to papa about it. So in response papa played this and explained every single word of it to me . “Me  ” a lover of words, lover of songs with deep meaningful lyrics. I’m sure you understand how much and how deeply he had touched me? He explained : “With The Lord above us caring for every little bit , every hair on our head, we need not worry about anything, we need not fear anything or anyone.” Of course I already knew what he was saying, but coming from him and in this way, it hit home! I had tears streaming down! Not only did “I” feel empowered, I knew my husband was feeling strong and confident to face just about anything too!

And all along intermittently, the thought that kept showing up in my head was: I was ready to push these moments away , in exchange for comfort , convenience and speed? By “letting go  I  “Let ” THOSE things come to me, that were ALSO coming my way! I experienced what I had to, in due course, as time would have things play out…..and I was open and empty to observe and receive fully!

Most times we are fighting with ourselves or with time or with people, just because it isn’t just the way “we” want it to  be….So much of energy is lost , so out of focus we get and so much chaos we carry within us  and the moment passes us by carrying with it a huge treasure!

Letting go is oh so very hard . We mumble it in our mouths but it really never is sold to the heart. Is it because when we let go , we don’t know what the outcome would be? Is it because control feels safer?  When “we”propel the future it is more endurable?

Having experienced the beauty of letting go, it sure does lure me to try it out again and again…

But here I am in the middle of another incident where in a friend is going through a hard time ,and is pushing me away, making me wonder why? Making me want to go up to her repeatedly to explain, to make it all right… She has her wall up. Yes, I am under the clutches of control, of wanting to hold on so tightly, to steer and squeeze out the outcome just like “I “ want… but then is what “I” want , that which  is “laden with trinkets”?  is it rightly “mine”? Is  the ” moment” most appropriate? And yes, I know I’m supposed to let go… but there’s so much of the familiar addiction to control buzzing in the head …

Will I be able..?

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