September 6, 2013

Being Naked..

Posted in Empowering, Overcoming obstacles, Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , at 1:12 pm by Venus Viswambharan

image I was taking a brisk morning walk and I saw a water puddle that was in the middle of the road. There was no way out … I wanted to avoid the wet dirty puddle. I climbed the tiled pathway which was inclined in a slope bordering the puddle. Yes you guessed right since it was a slope and it was wet due to the rain I slipped and I fell badly bruising my knee. Now In retrospect I wonder,  was it not better to go through the puddle and  get wet instead of avoiding that little unpleasantness and getting hurt ? It was a gash that took a few days to heal.

It is strange we do it in most circumstances trying to save ourselves, to protect ourselves even from people and our relationships…. We talk safely, we behave safely (we tread on an illusory safe path )

Personal examples:

  • When I hold off calling someone as I just don’t know what to say.
  • Imagining why people say or behave the way they do. ( oh and we are sure that what I think is perfectly calculated by the very intelligent me and just can intuitively read anyone and their manipulations right on target)  and go ahead and imagine the worst about them.
  • The minute someone says anything , we imagine they do so to hurt us , to malign us, to get us.
  • Holding back communicating something for fear of upsetting a person and the relationship.
  • Not sharing our opinions, or not sharing ourselves, having a guarded demeanor as we fear that we would be ridiculed.
  • Explaining oneself all the time again to save ourselves from being – “ wrong”
  • Not being able to say no.
  • Not being able to cry , grieve or show any form of  “weakness”

What are we saving ourselves from: From feeling?  From experiencing?  From learning?

What if we just were raw in each situation… just naked and vulnerable what then?

From the last few days Im taking chances, allowing my vulnerabilities to be there right in the open and in the process feeling :

I debated a whole day calling my 10th grade class teacher who I haven’t spoken to or met since the last 24 years  . But finally decided to take the plunge!

I began voicing my requirements to my kids instead of  : holding it in hoping they’d “understand”my expectations of them, by reading my mind and then when they eventually were unable to do it by powers of  telepathy , I’d just loose it!

A girlfriend made a comment though I cannot deny there were some preconceived ideas  and a desire to  retaliate at first . I took the courage to face her with compassion, I STARED straight into my defensiveness  and instead prodded her with an open mind ,to truly understand  what she was trying to convey.

My Hubby thanked me on teachers day for being an amazing teacher to my kids and him,with genuine incidences, I was touched and in normal circumstances I would fight back the tears or turn my face away to hide the tears , this time I let them roll…unabashedly

I let another friend see me shouting at my kids and not be a prefect mom, I did not go to make her understand with an explanation, I held on to  the courage to accept the fact that we are not all prefect but do make slip-ups, not trying to put up a facade of a mom who never errs – I too am only human and at this time I too stumbled.

And you know what amazed me was that there wasn’t any unpleasantness or any disasters that I would have saved myself from  ….

My teacher Mrs Berry was so warm and echoed my excitement. And the fear that she wouldn’t remember me – was unfounded! We talked a lot about our families and I was happy that I did call her.

The kids were thrilled i was not shouting ! what’s more my work was getting done.

My friend responded just as warmly and honestly and I became aware that when we have no defenses up but just openness- the story is actually different. We essentially give space for the other person to be naked too. I only then grasped the fact that” she” actually needed some help .

My other friend continued being a friend but I think we are closer and she also is freed to be who she is without any pretenses or a façade

My hubby too shed tears, I had permitted him to be open and naked too!

These outcomes may have been positive there could have been negative ones. But being free , being “ME” with no restraints, no asphyxiation of the real me , With no façades was not just light it was oh so freeing, I could actually feel myself expand. I was swollen with so much of energy and I found myself smiling more often !

Advertisements

January 23, 2011

Punch size, regardless…assured metamorphosis!

Posted in Overcoming obstacles tagged , , , , , , , at 9:31 am by Venus Viswambharan

Looking back 7 years, we as a family had a long crisis. We were then thinking it would kill us or at least mentally maim me and my husband. It looked like it would go on for ever! Leave it behind we did, not realizing that we passed through the appalling, self perceived wall,only  after growing robust. It left us with distinct and clear lessons.  Today we have come full circle to the same situation, it is only now, we comprehend- oh how well geared up we are to handle the same. With no complaints, no ill feelings but a stronger much better capacitated self, instead what we sigh out now is just gratitude to the lord for placing that particular challenge into our lives!

What comes to mind is Marriane Williamsons words :

“Sometimes people think calling on God means inviting a force into our lives that will make everything rosy. The truth is, it means inviting everything into our lives that will make us grow–and growth can be messy. The purpose of life is to grow into our perfection “.

“Distinct and clear lessons” I mentioned, which are :

1.      Not only does the worst pass , it leaves you nimble , invigorated and evolved! Were it not for this crisis we would never have come out renewed!

2.      The situations never changed , coming full circle to the same point , what was very discernible was: what changed was our Perceptions of the SITUATION! “No complaints “I had mentioned earlier– Not that we did not have blessings too, back then, we were just blind to  them – we had a myriad of blessings, but what did we focus on? We focused on all the things we did not want, we were paralyzed and bitterly zoned in on our challenges! What we saw, thought and felt about the situation 7 years back and what we do today is different. Today it is better, there is trust, there is confidence,there is humour, and largely there is Appreciation.  Not just between ourselves but towards others too. These were changes WITHIN the both of us, not WITHOUT! 

3.      The world is not a perfect place with perfect people & situations if it were, it would be so monotonous. What is a more vital inference is, we would never know how beautiful , limitless and powerful our intrinsic soul is, until we had a contrast against which we knew this ‘souls’ value . We live in a world of dualities: You could not know Warm without Cold, Up without Down, Fast without Slow. You could not know Left without Right, Here without There, Now without Then. Hence both exist and are required so that with one (no matter how low or not so bearable the low may be) can you then only measure the other’s worth (high/good parts of the dualities).

4.      No matter how many times we had heard it , it just never drove home – was something that was absolute and unchanging through every circumstance, the fact that the creator loved us UNCONDITIONALLY! It was blatant! What bewildered us was that no matter what we thought, what we felt, how we behaved , he just loved us. He carefully paved the path for our metamorphosis! Providing just the right people , just the right material & circumstances to fortify each one of us in this family

 

I have not mentioned the crisis , there were a series of them … my only message being , no matter what the challenge or our self percieved size of the challenge :

  • Your spouse leaving you after many years of marriage,
  • A terrible illness you find out about ,
  • A loss of job ,
  • You living alone and struggling without family,
  • Your kid doing something inconceivable after you having invested so much of your sweat and blood in him,
  • People being mean or manipulative or even maligning you,
  • Living with a big family and suffering through home politics inspite of all your patient efforts with all.
  • Suffering through office politics albeit you work earnestly.

 

Through it all there is someone much larger than you and me , holding you, through it all , loving you , empowering you ! Open your eyes see him in the people and situations around you , see him operating silently, carving a luminous radiant “YOU”  .

 

%d bloggers like this: