July 4, 2014

Under Tutelage…

Posted in Empowering, Introspection tagged , , at 10:23 am by Venus Viswambharan

image“Letting go” – I’m sure you’ve heard as much as I have about the same . Read up  the same amount or more on its importance in our lives, on the fact that we are all learning just this ….” Letting go “, during our presence here on earth. Oh! It does appeal to me ,to the insides of me….The very sound of the words letting go evokes a feeling of lightness, a feeling of being free ….  dare I say , a feeling of greatness?

But what happens when we are in the eye of the storm….?

We were to travel from Chandigarh back to Indore via Delhi. We contemplated travelling by train the Chandigarh Delhi portion. Which was a more comfortable, hassle free and quicker option. But at the last moment my husband informed me of the decision to drive down. On questioning why ,he said his father would drive us down….
Oh No I didn’t like it one bit! I could feel the anger rising inside of me. I wanted to whine about how inconvenient it would be with the kids and all the luggage. I wanted to give my piece of mind and follow it up with a tirade of how unfair it was and unleash everything out on my husband. But somehow I settled in quietly into the car’s drivers seat.  On seating myself,  I didn’t bite my tongue…or hold it in, I just let it go , completely. I just let myself be in the moment as it was. Purposefully forcefully , pushing out every preconceived judgement or expectation out of my head.

I explored Letting go.

After a while I saw my elder daughter fast asleep in the back ,snuggled close to her Dadu with her head safely in his arms. My younger one had her head on his shoulders and he protectively had an arm around each of them. I smiled ,it struck me my father in law wanted to spend some close moments with them doing just this much! Letting go , clearing the garbage in my head, gave me the space to be able to notice this, “I” allowed me to be moved.

Later we stopped for lunch and we changed places ,my father in law moved to the front while my husband drove. He then switched on the MP3 player searched for a while and put on a particular Shabad. My husband was going through a particularly hard time at work , I had spoken to papa about it. So in response papa played this and explained every single word of it to me . “Me  ” a lover of words, lover of songs with deep meaningful lyrics. I’m sure you understand how much and how deeply he had touched me? He explained : “With The Lord above us caring for every little bit , every hair on our head, we need not worry about anything, we need not fear anything or anyone.” Of course I already knew what he was saying, but coming from him and in this way, it hit home! I had tears streaming down! Not only did “I” feel empowered, I knew my husband was feeling strong and confident to face just about anything too!

And all along intermittently, the thought that kept showing up in my head was: I was ready to push these moments away , in exchange for comfort , convenience and speed? By “letting go  I  “Let ” THOSE things come to me, that were ALSO coming my way! I experienced what I had to, in due course, as time would have things play out…..and I was open and empty to observe and receive fully!

Most times we are fighting with ourselves or with time or with people, just because it isn’t just the way “we” want it to  be….So much of energy is lost , so out of focus we get and so much chaos we carry within us  and the moment passes us by carrying with it a huge treasure!

Letting go is oh so very hard . We mumble it in our mouths but it really never is sold to the heart. Is it because when we let go , we don’t know what the outcome would be? Is it because control feels safer?  When “we”propel the future it is more endurable?

Having experienced the beauty of letting go, it sure does lure me to try it out again and again…

But here I am in the middle of another incident where in a friend is going through a hard time ,and is pushing me away, making me wonder why? Making me want to go up to her repeatedly to explain, to make it all right… She has her wall up. Yes, I am under the clutches of control, of wanting to hold on so tightly, to steer and squeeze out the outcome just like “I “ want… but then is what “I” want , that which  is “laden with trinkets”?  is it rightly “mine”? Is  the ” moment” most appropriate? And yes, I know I’m supposed to let go… but there’s so much of the familiar addiction to control buzzing in the head …

Will I be able..?

September 6, 2013

Being Naked..

Posted in Empowering, Overcoming obstacles, Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , at 1:12 pm by Venus Viswambharan

image I was taking a brisk morning walk and I saw a water puddle that was in the middle of the road. There was no way out … I wanted to avoid the wet dirty puddle. I climbed the tiled pathway which was inclined in a slope bordering the puddle. Yes you guessed right since it was a slope and it was wet due to the rain I slipped and I fell badly bruising my knee. Now In retrospect I wonder,  was it not better to go through the puddle and  get wet instead of avoiding that little unpleasantness and getting hurt ? It was a gash that took a few days to heal.

It is strange we do it in most circumstances trying to save ourselves, to protect ourselves even from people and our relationships…. We talk safely, we behave safely (we tread on an illusory safe path )

Personal examples:

  • When I hold off calling someone as I just don’t know what to say.
  • Imagining why people say or behave the way they do. ( oh and we are sure that what I think is perfectly calculated by the very intelligent me and just can intuitively read anyone and their manipulations right on target)  and go ahead and imagine the worst about them.
  • The minute someone says anything , we imagine they do so to hurt us , to malign us, to get us.
  • Holding back communicating something for fear of upsetting a person and the relationship.
  • Not sharing our opinions, or not sharing ourselves, having a guarded demeanor as we fear that we would be ridiculed.
  • Explaining oneself all the time again to save ourselves from being – “ wrong”
  • Not being able to say no.
  • Not being able to cry , grieve or show any form of  “weakness”

What are we saving ourselves from: From feeling?  From experiencing?  From learning?

What if we just were raw in each situation… just naked and vulnerable what then?

From the last few days Im taking chances, allowing my vulnerabilities to be there right in the open and in the process feeling :

I debated a whole day calling my 10th grade class teacher who I haven’t spoken to or met since the last 24 years  . But finally decided to take the plunge!

I began voicing my requirements to my kids instead of  : holding it in hoping they’d “understand”my expectations of them, by reading my mind and then when they eventually were unable to do it by powers of  telepathy , I’d just loose it!

A girlfriend made a comment though I cannot deny there were some preconceived ideas  and a desire to  retaliate at first . I took the courage to face her with compassion, I STARED straight into my defensiveness  and instead prodded her with an open mind ,to truly understand  what she was trying to convey.

My Hubby thanked me on teachers day for being an amazing teacher to my kids and him,with genuine incidences, I was touched and in normal circumstances I would fight back the tears or turn my face away to hide the tears , this time I let them roll…unabashedly

I let another friend see me shouting at my kids and not be a prefect mom, I did not go to make her understand with an explanation, I held on to  the courage to accept the fact that we are not all prefect but do make slip-ups, not trying to put up a facade of a mom who never errs – I too am only human and at this time I too stumbled.

And you know what amazed me was that there wasn’t any unpleasantness or any disasters that I would have saved myself from  ….

My teacher Mrs Berry was so warm and echoed my excitement. And the fear that she wouldn’t remember me – was unfounded! We talked a lot about our families and I was happy that I did call her.

The kids were thrilled i was not shouting ! what’s more my work was getting done.

My friend responded just as warmly and honestly and I became aware that when we have no defenses up but just openness- the story is actually different. We essentially give space for the other person to be naked too. I only then grasped the fact that” she” actually needed some help .

My other friend continued being a friend but I think we are closer and she also is freed to be who she is without any pretenses or a façade

My hubby too shed tears, I had permitted him to be open and naked too!

These outcomes may have been positive there could have been negative ones. But being free , being “ME” with no restraints, no asphyxiation of the real me , With no façades was not just light it was oh so freeing, I could actually feel myself expand. I was swollen with so much of energy and I found myself smiling more often !

December 6, 2010

Operation “Clean the fan”

Posted in Empowering tagged , , , , , , at 8:03 pm by Venus Viswambharan

I was mentally chewing  gum named: “ How would I go about it ‘? Was it as simple as “Im going to clean the fan” ?

This dirty Fan that I had grown familiar to ,and in time immune to ,which only seemed to accumulate dust was not stirring any trouble inside my head , only because I had knit up enough excuses mentally for me to feel “its ok”. Some of them being: Its too high up there , I cannot reach it , no ladder high enough, the cleaning is going to mess our beds, Its cumbersome, I have other more pressing issues, I don’t have the time…. Etc.  It hung just above our beds, I saw it every time I awoke and every time I went to sleep but not once did it worry me. Well, now I was working up a strategy on the shortest, immaculate way to get it done. Why? because my friend told me last night in all honesty how dirty it looked. It finally hit home. Some well intentioned person pointed the proverbial “finger” at the dirty fan!

So my maid and I worked out a strategy : We covered the beds with newspapers. She then climbed a huge stool and wiped each blade carefully with antiseptic solution and with each turn of her hand there was this comforting feeling (…dare I say relief ? )and each time lumps of black grime came off, revealing the clean ,shinning, original fan beneath . Each time she did that there was a cheering inside and an amazing excitement advancing to the final vision of my beautiful , pristine fan!

At the end of it , what kept dawning on me-  was the fact that is exactly what we do with  our minds…

We have cobwebs accumulating: “She is so irritating”. “He  doesn’t seem to respect my opinions” . ‘I know why she didn’t return my call. ” “ He is so selfish”. “ I can’t trust her”. “I know what he thinks of me”… they come with no restraint, quite naturally (just like the dust)… gathering but not contributing to any worry identical to the dirt on the fan. The excuses too would be  similar “I can see he is plainly this way, hence I speak of him so”. “What will they think of me?”  “ I  need to complain” etc…

If someone did point a finger- oh how we hate it. But the minute we make up our minds to “clean each blade”…(metaphorically) wipe each thought clean, and make sure we contribute to thinking wholesome ones – those that build up, that are loving, patient , positive thoughts about others and everything around us ; The minute we use the Antiseptic of faith to clean the negativity and fear, we see goodness ! We see things we could be grateful about in others and in ourselves , things that are now hidden by the grime filtered vision. We see the original me (which is inherent) cleaving through the soot and being revealed . Oh and the unbounded excitement on the achievement  of the same is akin to that one feels in the fan scenario.

Imagine, it is as simple as cleaning the fan !

We are INNATELY BEAUTIFUL, Just a little cleaning is what we need to do regularly….

September 3, 2010

Unleash your natural exuberance!

Posted in Empowering tagged , , , , at 8:16 pm by Venus Viswambharan

I was watching my kid this morning….
Once washed and brushed, the little one, went about her personal duties wide-eyed! She puts on her clothes with a hum , downed her breakfast – juggling the chomping between, so many expressions as she was narrating her dream from the previous night. She seems to dream almost every night – vivid, strange science fiction dreams! In a sprighty bounce she heaves her school bag on to her back and is ready to go. We are at the gate waiting with other moms / dads who too are there to get their kids on the bus. “Mum could you please chase me and try to catch me? ” says my daughter,  and much to the others’ disbelief I throw caution to wind and race after her! A whole lot of furtive and very bemused gazes follow the two of us ! Honestly – I enjoyed every bit of the invigorating moment!
When I think back , the brilliance of just how similar we were beams out from the compressed bundles of memory – beady eyed, curious , full of energy , spirit and life – Enthusiastic is how we were! What happened how did we grow up to be stuck up? Why is it we are mired by what other people think of  us? Why is it that we get “bored” or loose interest? Or why is it that we just loose this Joie de vivre altogether?
Enthusiasm in greek means : En= in,  theos = God , which translates to having God within. He is within each of us no exceptions there! So that whatever we do or think we exude out of each pore of our being ,the life and vitality of that huge power that we contain inside of us !
Which means :
    • We don’t just smile,  but we laugh – and often at that!
    • We don’t  feel ‘”My hearts not in the job” – but find alternate ways to groove!
    • We are not stonewalled by failure , but we just gingerly hop around it , learning a lot of interesting stuff in the process..
  • We find the significance in each chore , each daily duty!
  • There is a passion oozing out of us always , just cause we contain a mammoth energy , the supreme creator – God in us.
 You can do anything if you have enthusiasm. Enthusiasm is the yeast that makes your hopes rise to the stars. With it, there is accomplishment. Without it there are only alibis.” says Henry Ford.
In 1975, Japanese scientists discovered bacteria that could live on the waste products of nylon manufacture as their only source of carbon and nitrogen.
These Bacteria did not exist prior to the invention of nylon in the 1930s. They evolved ,so they could produce novel enzymes that allowed them to feed on by-products of nylon manufacture  – the only thing that was available to them in plenty at that time.
What an amazing example of enthusiasm from nature ! Nothing could stymie this little vessel filled with the quintessence of God!
Take a look within…. You too are brimming with “Enthusiasm”- God is within you , don’t hide it , let it pour out!

August 25, 2010

Which wolf is it that you are feeding?

Posted in Empowering tagged , , , , at 8:06 pm by Venus Viswambharan

A grandfather was talking to his grandson, telling him,” I have 2 wolves barking inside of me. The First wolf is filled with anger, hatred , bitterness and mostly revenge. The second wolf inside of me is flled with love, kindness, compassion and mostly forgiveness.”
“Which wolf do you think will win?” the young  boy inquired , the grandfather responded , “ Whichever one I feed”.

Lets take a look at our thoughts in a day – isn’t it easy to criticize, to find fault; to complain about the neighbourhood being unsafe, our politicians being corrupt, the pathetic state of our education system, our youth being involved in crime. The less global ones would be: how snooty our neighbour is, the abusive boss,  the mean in laws…
The thought we focus on multiplies ,drawing more of the same kind until it not only becomes a habit but it IS just what our world becomes! What you think continually is what you believe, is what you become, is what you have – a vicious cycle .
What if we concentrated our minds and energies on all the “goodness”,  we can find around us? Can we find any? It is hard, isnt it ? lets try… Appreciating , being grateful.
We have electricity today, We are connected better & quicker due to technology, Crimes are lower, myriads of diseases now have cures, so many groups and associations now focus on uplifting , healing & wellness.Closer home, The neighbour’s kids are so bright and cheerful, My colleagues are so cooperative, my Job is interesting,  My Brother in law is so caring…
Again your focus draws more of the same. A thought has a lot of power!
Which wolf is it that YOU feed?

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