September 6, 2013

Being Naked..

Posted in Empowering, Overcoming obstacles, Uncategorized tagged , , , , , , at 1:12 pm by Venus Viswambharan

image I was taking a brisk morning walk and I saw a water puddle that was in the middle of the road. There was no way out … I wanted to avoid the wet dirty puddle. I climbed the tiled pathway which was inclined in a slope bordering the puddle. Yes you guessed right since it was a slope and it was wet due to the rain I slipped and I fell badly bruising my knee. Now In retrospect I wonder,  was it not better to go through the puddle and  get wet instead of avoiding that little unpleasantness and getting hurt ? It was a gash that took a few days to heal.

It is strange we do it in most circumstances trying to save ourselves, to protect ourselves even from people and our relationships…. We talk safely, we behave safely (we tread on an illusory safe path )

Personal examples:

  • When I hold off calling someone as I just don’t know what to say.
  • Imagining why people say or behave the way they do. ( oh and we are sure that what I think is perfectly calculated by the very intelligent me and just can intuitively read anyone and their manipulations right on target)  and go ahead and imagine the worst about them.
  • The minute someone says anything , we imagine they do so to hurt us , to malign us, to get us.
  • Holding back communicating something for fear of upsetting a person and the relationship.
  • Not sharing our opinions, or not sharing ourselves, having a guarded demeanor as we fear that we would be ridiculed.
  • Explaining oneself all the time again to save ourselves from being – “ wrong”
  • Not being able to say no.
  • Not being able to cry , grieve or show any form of  “weakness”

What are we saving ourselves from: From feeling?  From experiencing?  From learning?

What if we just were raw in each situation… just naked and vulnerable what then?

From the last few days Im taking chances, allowing my vulnerabilities to be there right in the open and in the process feeling :

I debated a whole day calling my 10th grade class teacher who I haven’t spoken to or met since the last 24 years  . But finally decided to take the plunge!

I began voicing my requirements to my kids instead of  : holding it in hoping they’d “understand”my expectations of them, by reading my mind and then when they eventually were unable to do it by powers of  telepathy , I’d just loose it!

A girlfriend made a comment though I cannot deny there were some preconceived ideas  and a desire to  retaliate at first . I took the courage to face her with compassion, I STARED straight into my defensiveness  and instead prodded her with an open mind ,to truly understand  what she was trying to convey.

My Hubby thanked me on teachers day for being an amazing teacher to my kids and him,with genuine incidences, I was touched and in normal circumstances I would fight back the tears or turn my face away to hide the tears , this time I let them roll…unabashedly

I let another friend see me shouting at my kids and not be a prefect mom, I did not go to make her understand with an explanation, I held on to  the courage to accept the fact that we are not all prefect but do make slip-ups, not trying to put up a facade of a mom who never errs – I too am only human and at this time I too stumbled.

And you know what amazed me was that there wasn’t any unpleasantness or any disasters that I would have saved myself from  ….

My teacher Mrs Berry was so warm and echoed my excitement. And the fear that she wouldn’t remember me – was unfounded! We talked a lot about our families and I was happy that I did call her.

The kids were thrilled i was not shouting ! what’s more my work was getting done.

My friend responded just as warmly and honestly and I became aware that when we have no defenses up but just openness- the story is actually different. We essentially give space for the other person to be naked too. I only then grasped the fact that” she” actually needed some help .

My other friend continued being a friend but I think we are closer and she also is freed to be who she is without any pretenses or a façade

My hubby too shed tears, I had permitted him to be open and naked too!

These outcomes may have been positive there could have been negative ones. But being free , being “ME” with no restraints, no asphyxiation of the real me , With no façades was not just light it was oh so freeing, I could actually feel myself expand. I was swollen with so much of energy and I found myself smiling more often !

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18 Comments »

  1. Prerna said,

    Such practices will make our heart truly ….Beautiful
    One man will do -improving himself steadily,then others will automatically follow!

  2. Rain said,

    I hear you…I understand you…I agree with you. But I also know only too painfully well how much less of this I would have understood a few years ago. And a few years later I may understand it even better 🙂

    • I know EXACTLY what you mean,priya I don’t think this piece would have come out of me earlier. Infact mom and I were just discussing how we change, the people we meet, the books we read all of it changes as we too change …. You have sparked interest for another dabble of my pen…
      I must thank you for taking the time to read and communicate honestly 🙂 again in time!

  3. Sharon Richardson said,

    This must have been written just for me LOL. I too often try to hold my feelings inside to keep from “hurting” someone’s feelings and of course, I usually end up hurting myself …… like the “fall in the puddle”. This is such a well written and timely message. It truly spoke to my heart and I intend to be more “naked” in just being me, faults and all. Thank you so much for a message I needed to hear 🙂

    • Sharon I’m so glad it related to you, I was just sharing my experience and inferences thereof 🙂 thank you for always taking the time .

  4. Classic

  5. I loved the deployment of a metaphor in the story. beautiful ….

  6. Prabhjot said,

    Well put together piece and food for thought and action.. Thanks for sharing 🙂

  7. Hemjit Taneja said,

    very true n beautifully written

  8. Gagan said,

    i just wish we could me more courageous in our lives and show what is really going on inside to others…will make our lives much more simpler.

    Awesome post and thank you for making all of us realize this!! the power in being vulnerable and true 🙂

    • I’m so glad it struck a chord dear Gagan. So true just “being” should come more naturally than being defensive or safe!

  9. Varsha Prashanth said,

    Very well written. I can relate to this. I often find myself holding back my thoughts and views in fear of hurting other peoples feelings. We seem to be over cautious and forget to live life to the fullest.

    • Thank you varsha I’m happy to know you relate too. You know I just read this :The love that you withhold is the pain that you carry. – R. W. Emerson

      I think we’re just holding back love 🙂 and it not only feels so heavy and constricting but hurts so much when we can’t communicate and just “be”…

  10. poonamgupta said,

    Totally agree with the article. I just recently realized that a decade back I was a kind of person who did not hide and talked/interacted openly with everyone. Result was that I got hurt due to my open nature. Slowly, I started being cautious in by relations and interactions. But then I realized I was stifling myself, was totally projecting myself as a person opposite my true self. Now again I have started opening up but the difference being that now I am confident in who I am and myself without being influenced by other people’s opinion. So, one should not only hold back thoughts but should be confident enough to not be influenced by others reactions as well……….:-)


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